Shh!

  

Caffeine is the secret behind my yellow teeth. What's yours? ;)
Shape of the rotis I end up making resonate so much with the mood I am in.
Maine ek baar driving lane change kar li, fir main horn bajane wale toh kya Traffic police ki bhi nahi sunti. (Inspired from the famous -  Ek baar main jo maine commitment kar di, toh fir main apne aap ki bhi nahi sunta)
Mohe Mojito absolutely bhalo lagche! Hic!

A prayer

Dear God,

This is in regards to the ultimate climax of the long pending mess of my life.

I appreciate the ways you have empowered me to fight my battles. I am also thankful for so many unsaid things that bring a smile and a sense of relief as my days go by. And I want to let you know that if I sincerely start thanking you, I will fall short of words and stamina. Despite some of the not-so-pleasant fragments of my life, I know you have been infinitely giving towards me in all possible ways.

But may I still request you to please and please hear out this prayer of mine as well, and kindly intervene in the most promising and timely of the ways, and let this 'letter' happen for me. I've never felt this finger tied, when it comes to writing. But 'this' piece of letter just wont happen.You know how badly I want it, rather need it. But my heart just cant accommodate this. And so my fingers just wont type this. It's a brutal irony I am stuck up with.

For any of the times that I've been a sincere child to you, I request you to please have this resolved for me, for you know it's fair, for I know it's fair.

Counting on my prayers, your capabilities and your love for me.

Yours waitingly,
Neha.

Screen vs Stage Presence

Dear SRK,

Was just watching you a few minutes back on Aap Ki Adalat. And felt like it's time I should say this to you.

You may not have been able to (technically) justify your slate on one or more of the complaints posed upon you (This is my opinion, and not the judge's one, for I was too lazy to stay hooked till the end. But even then, who knows if the judge also would have arrived at the similar verdict. Actually unlikely. Darn!) But your.. umm.. SRKish charm sweeps you across, almost always, clearly, safely, and a little intimidatingly, no matter whatever situation you may be in. This SRKish charm is something I associate with your personal persona,  and not really with your professional one. The later one being ruled out owing to some of your last screen appearances I have seen. And again by professional, I mean the key one, that is your acting. And not the other variants like production, direction and stuff.

I know how easy, and mean it is to judge, but earnestly, there's something seriously screwed up with your screen presence these days. Honestly, I (still) continue to admire you as a person.Your presence of mind, your accomplishments, your courage, but only a bit of your professional works like in Baazigar, Darr, Devdas, Chak De India. Actually just in these movies unless I am missing on something owing to my short and/or long hand memory leaks. And for these, I can say confidently, it would not have come out the way it did had it not been for you. Though for remakes, I have counter candidates who claim that I say that because I haven't seen the original Dilip Kumar's one yet. But whatever.

None-the-less. You absolutely rock when it comes to spontaneity. Your stage presence is something. There was this Award show you did with Ranbir Kapoor. And it had literally laughed off the audience's asses away. Again intimidatingly. It was one of it's first kinds, in terms of boldness, humility (something beyond the realms of comedy shows) and sarcasm (needless to say, it seems to be in your DNA).

Ok, I will come to the point now.

Please (and please!) if for your fan(s)'s sake, you would let your charm remain in certain hearts forever and from here on, stop doing films as an actor, or at least take up roles that justify your presence of being, I would like to wish you good luck in the areas where it would be a real real pleasure to see you, prospering and stealing the hearts away.

Liberally yours
-Neha

Hide and Seek

Imagine you are playing hide and seek. With the exception that this time, you hide, but are not sought. You wait, you wonder, you seek the seeker. Till you realize the seeker's gone. Far, far away. Not in your search, but in its own. Beyond your reach, beyond your imagination.

An affair

Fall in love with your insomnia!

Steps -
1. When you have about few of your precious sleeping pills left, adjust your sleep timing in a way that you are awake early morning (example - 10PM-5AM).
2. Tie a dark cotton stole around your eyes and ears before you depart to bed. For a soundproof, lightproof & believe me a thought proof sleep.
2. Even if you are sleep deprived, try and get jogging early morning for just these days.

Result -
1. You are tired yet energetic.
2. Your clock adjusts.
3. It makes you sleepy at night, wakes you up at same time every morning till you get addicted to early morning jogs.
4. You throw away the cotton stole and forget the pills.
5. And you meet a new you!

Been 15 days. And I am already falling in an affair with myself!

Lemme clarify

Recently I found some weight in somebody's say on one of my blog posts, and I was more than happy to have that incorporated.

Now here's why it mattered and was incorporated -

1. The 'say' or 'feedback' so to say resonated with my own thoughts.
2. I know this person, trust his intentions and respect him.
3. This person is also a blogger and I can be at peace as far as his knowledge 'of the subject', and 'of the matter' is concerned. For he works and stays in the same place which is being talked about in the blog.

What this does mean

1. I am all ears when it comes to feedback, that matters.
2. I am all ears when it comes to somebody whom I respect and trust. I am all ears when it comes with the right intentions.
3. I don't mind flaunting a bit of my life, for its still me who decides how much can you peek in. For it's still me who owns that life.  Right?
4. I love playing with words. No seriously. I mean it. If you are game, welcome aboard.  
5. I enjoy seeing the no. of hits I get on my blog. It's one of the easiest mediums to promote my blog. Given the time bound life I live as a working mother, more so as a single working mother. Yeah. I just announced it.

Any which ways.

What this does not mean


Just about anybody/anything that does not comply with either of the above would be given a damn.

Hope that clarifies.

The place in between

If only there were a place in between my home and my office, I swear, I would have landed my tired body and my tired mind over there, right away, and made sure that I do everything just so that I do nothing for the next few following hours. 

Lost & Found

I accidentally heard 'flute' today. That somehow hit some nostalgic chords somewhere. That always does. Precisely why I love  hate flute.

To speak of those days

That lawn

that opened up serene
Following those heavenly spas

As if latter were less enough to bewitch already

The cool green grass, trimmed neatly within

The comfortable seating 
Made cozy with mattresses,
bolsters and hookahs

That soulful flute being played live

The smell of the grilled kebabs breezing all over

Those dim lights

That festivity within

And that special evening

When I was recognized for the first ever SharePoint project that I had led at MS 

When old territories are (re)traversed, unexpected happens.

How can I not fall in love with this little black thing. And the memory spell that comes along. There was something about that evening. It's one of those rare things that is potential enough to make me miss old days.

And just when I carefully look at the pic, I realize that I have found my since lost and crazily searched for 'button', that belongs to one of my overcoats, that had been lying in an uncharted section of my cupboard, probably waiting for this day.

Independence. Really?

The heat is on. 440V sounds like close.

I don't think I can ever come to terms with the unbelievable s**t that heads, unfortunately the ones I am dealing with, are capable of carrying. My car potentially can drive me so fast back, that I may never reach home. Even if I do, my sweetheart would catch some of my vibes. Or both. But that's not the point. The point is, I am stuck up.

The day's over in office. The work's over too. And I am supposed to be leaving in minutes from now.

Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock

Alright. I stand up, I walk past the office gate.

And..

I come back.
The sticky note on my desktop says there's floor decor competition happening tomorrow and I am one of the contestants. The theme is 'Independence Day'.
Need I need more? I don't think so. Good. I am staying back, with the floor. For as long as we serve each other's appetite.

Not that I have not informed family about my extended stay, but there are some weird clock hits that wont spare me their attention. Anyways after about 5 hours, few missed calls, and that look on the left over faces in the office, I decide to free us all.

We depart. We arrive the next day. We do the touch ups. And. We win the competition.

Well. Period.

Tranquility

Rum and coke, coke on the side. Tall glass!
Wearing a short grey formal dress and black heels; set off with smoky eyes, creamy violet lips - dipped in silver gloss; the just-showered, raw messy hair curling down through the neck onto the shoulders; and a bit of orchid sprinkled here & there, I walk into the pub, wallow in the crazy hour, and mark my exit, but not before I break into that 'classic' smile, and salute those peculiar gazes. Thus hushing all the noises, around me, within me.

Matters of the heart

Dear Leonardo DiCaprio,

In small dozes, you entertain. In large, you become a habit. You made me keep on watching you, and watching you in the middle of all possible chaos in/around me. Finished with all you had to give in the last decade. Yeh Dil Maange More and you are going on a big long break! So you enjoy, alright! You deserve it. Buttt.. Come back soon! Waiting for your 2015 releases.

Fanly yours,
Neha

I am not a psychitzophrenic

With "Eyes wide Shut", "Saw" "Shutter Island" from "Rear window" with "The Lover" in "Hostel". Oh! That "Fatal Attraction" became a "Memento" for life! And I became a "Devil's Advocate" for "127 hours". For "A Beautiful Mind" always carries "The Butterfly Effect" even when in "Fight Club". Well, well, I am still not a pschizophrenic, and so am I.

Shutter Island

My take away from the movie - Shutter Island -

(Big) Thank God! At least me myself and all around me know me as Neha Saluja and not as Sana Julieah. Some know me as Nelofur though ;-)

The Genie is out of the bottle!

From long-lost ages of captivity
Of camouflaged paradise
Of piercing blues

The era of  freedom, as she whims into
With a soul mildly intoxicated
And eyes softly moistened

For the winds of ecstasy
Of reality, of calming madness
Gust pass the Lady from all corners

Answering to no law
but to her own
Merciless, more than ever

Compassionate yet as she is

With her soul and her body

For life, for death
After all those years
Genie is out of the bottle!

That Green Gown

Photo Courtesy- Google

It must be something to do with feminism I guess. Because I don’t seem to inherit this from my genes. But dolling myself up does more than wonders to me. It’s one of my impassioned fantasies, if I may say so, to drape myself up in that Long Green Gown, and merge in that elegance once, at least once in my lifetime. And that, exactly that will be my moment. Moments like these, which charm the hell out of me, even when I am crashed down completely, I call them moments of divine mercy. They hypnotically connect my imaginary sense of (well) being to my actuality, as jiggling as the latter may be.

No wonder, the promising potential of one's dreams coming true can be so strong at times, that it can totally phoenix one up when he is on fire.

Sincerely speaking, it’s not just the green gown. It’s a lot many things that I simply wish to do/see and want to stay alive for. If only fantasies were fantastic enough to come true.

I would have so wanted to splash down with Kanav in anything that's splashable. Be it the immersing water, the enticing drops of rain, the sand that's forgotten, the unstoppable rides, the complete insanity, whatever, that can loosen up the screws a bit and let some fresh air come in.

                                                                                              
I already have my heart set out on some of the oh so moving songs which will have me dancing to their rhythms, to their lyrics. These might just be posted here as a testimony of my loyalty to myself.

I so yearn to stretch myself beyond my limits and perfect that yoga pose I have been dreading for years.

How I wish I am capable enough to have Kanav grow into a capable and a sensible man. Its worth anything to contribute to and see a life -

-Live limitless
-And  yet being sensible towards sensitivities around.

How madly I desire to get into 'my' machine, the long awaited, and the little too ambitious one - 'my' black convertible Porsche.

And if luck still continues to favor, I hope to end up donating my eyes and enabling some long lost vision (some day)

That one day, this day, as I sit in my room, with a pen, a paper, a cup of tea and a realization that it's indeed miles to go before I sleep...

My Precious

I punctually find myself in this dilemma of staring at my pearls and feeling oh so possessive about them. These little fellas, I tell you, are the most freaking amazing things I could have ever gotten access to. Had it not been for that non-ending day, I would not have ever known that my little friends existed and that they were oh so kind and gentle. 

As far as my memory rolls back, I can still see those blond stares around me. Sure, they are soft but they are uselessly empathetic.  Empathetic to the point of being frozen by my groans. They are just staring and staring, two of them even touching me thinking they are comforting me. Damn them! Damn all the painkillers I’ve taken! So many yet so unmoving.

My take – “When you are in pain, I mean extreme physical (or for that matter mental) pain, no freaking touch or whatever sane therapy can do a bit in relieving you. Period.”

It was in that moment that all those angels and faeries above sent this short, sharp eyed, male nurse to my bed with a Morphine injection in hand. And what followed next was absolute bliss.  

I literally remember to have not remembered even an ounce of my physical hell anymore in the hours that followed. Let alone the mental high it kicked me with. All at once, I was with my hubby, on the shores of the hospital, walking, hand in hand, extrapolating our future and happiness around our just gifted parenthood. That walk, that chilly Melbourne evening, has ever since then remained in my memory like some ride to heaven. 

(Un)Luckily though, along with my discharge from the hospital, it was time to say bye-bye to those incredible injectibles. But what I did get as an acceptable well wishing token from the hospital was a long enough prescription of Endone. Now this, as I’ve well discovered by now, is something which is ‘little’ less invading, but far handier and hence addictive, I guess. 

All those friendship quotes suddenly make so much sense now. They say it for a reason that "A friend in need is a friend indeed". And what better than these little stones which captivate all three dimensions of my being in just no time – my body, my mind and hence my spirit. A single doze hits me like a million of happy hormones, all in one go.

It’s been some long time since I realized that I am left with just 4 of my buddies now. So far, since then, my need to preserve them has won over my need to consume them. I am finding this pretty interesting. My clash with my addiction, for my addiction. After all, the awareness that you can go unaware at will is something. Isn’t it? And it’s worth the entire contest. June 2014 marks the finale of my chase. That’s when these tiny stones expire. Till then it's is all cheers no matter what! ;-)

Disclaimer - I am not promoting usage of drugs here. Consumption or addiction to these is dangerous to health. It’s just a narration of how one of my medical conditions led to my introduction to these and my getting trapped into the phenomenon of craving since then. It would definitely have been a damaging story had I had an unlimited access to these.