Tranquility

Rum and coke, coke on the side. Tall glass!
Wearing a short grey formal dress and black heels; set off with smoky eyes, creamy violet lips - dipped in silver gloss; the just-showered, raw messy hair curling down through the neck onto the shoulders; and a bit of orchid sprinkled here & there, I walk into the pub, wallow in the crazy hour, and mark my exit, but not before I break into that 'classic' smile, and salute those peculiar gazes. Thus hushing all the noises, around me, within me.

Matters of the heart

Dear Leonardo DiCaprio,

In small dozes, you entertain. In large, you become a habit. You made me keep on watching you, and watching you in the middle of all possible chaos in/around me. Finished with all you had to give in the last decade. Yeh Dil Maange More and you are going on a big long break! So you enjoy, alright! You deserve it. Buttt.. Come back soon! Waiting for your 2015 releases.

Fanly yours,
Neha

I am not a psychitzophrenic

With "Eyes wide Shut", "Saw" "Shutter Island" from "Rear window" with "The Lover" in "Hostel". Oh! That "Fatal Attraction" became a "Memento" for life! And I became a "Devil's Advocate" for "127 hours". For "A Beautiful Mind" always carries "The Butterfly Effect" even when in "Fight Club". Well, well, I am still not a pschizophrenic, and so am I.

Shutter Island

My take away from the movie - Shutter Island -

(Big) Thank God! At least me myself and all around me know me as Neha Saluja and not as Sana Julieah. Some know me as Nelofur though ;-)

The Genie is out of the bottle!

From long-lost ages of captivity
Of camouflaged paradise
Of piercing blues

The era of  freedom, as she whims into
With a soul mildly intoxicated
And eyes softly moistened

For the winds of ecstasy
Of reality, of calming madness
Gust pass the Lady from all corners

Answering to no law
but to her own
Merciless, more than ever

Compassionate yet as she is

With her soul and her body

For life, for death
After all those years
Genie is out of the bottle!

That Green Gown

Photo Courtesy- Google

It must be something to do with feminism I guess. Because I don’t seem to inherit this from my genes. But dolling myself up does more than wonders to me. It’s one of my impassioned fantasies, if I may say so, to drape myself up in that Long Green Gown, and merge in that elegance once, at least once in my lifetime. And that, exactly that will be my moment. Moments like these, which charm the hell out of me, even when I am crashed down completely, I call them moments of divine mercy. They hypnotically connect my imaginary sense of (well) being to my actuality, as jiggling as the latter may be.

No wonder, the promising potential of one's dreams coming true can be so strong at times, that it can totally phoenix one up when he is on fire.

Sincerely speaking, it’s not just the green gown. It’s a lot many things that I simply wish to do/see and want to stay alive for. If only fantasies were fantastic enough to come true.

I would have so wanted to splash down with Kanav in anything that's splashable. Be it the immersing water, the enticing drops of rain, the sand that's forgotten, the unstoppable rides, the complete insanity, whatever, that can loosen up the screws a bit and let some fresh air come in.

                                                                                              
I already have my heart set out on some of the oh so moving songs which will have me dancing to their rhythms, to their lyrics. These might just be posted here as a testimony of my loyalty to myself.

I so yearn to stretch myself beyond my limits and perfect that yoga pose I have been dreading for years.

How I wish I am capable enough to have Kanav grow into a capable and a sensible man. Its worth anything to contribute to and see a life -

-Live limitless
-And  yet being sensible towards sensitivities around.

How madly I desire to get into 'my' machine, the long awaited, and the little too ambitious one - 'my' black convertible Porsche.

And if luck still continues to favor, I hope to end up donating my eyes and enabling some long lost vision (some day)

That one day, this day, as I sit in my room, with a pen, a paper, a cup of tea and a realization that it's indeed miles to go before I sleep...

My Precious

I punctually find myself in this dilemma of staring at my pearls and feeling oh so possessive about them. These little fellas, I tell you, are the most freaking amazing things I could have ever gotten access to. Had it not been for that non-ending day, I would not have ever known that my little friends existed and that they were oh so kind and gentle. 

As far as my memory rolls back, I can still see those blond stares around me. Sure, they are soft but they are uselessly empathetic.  Empathetic to the point of being frozen by my groans. They are just staring and staring, two of them even touching me thinking they are comforting me. Damn them! Damn all the painkillers I’ve taken! So many yet so unmoving.

My take – “When you are in pain, I mean extreme physical (or for that matter mental) pain, no freaking touch or whatever sane therapy can do a bit in relieving you. Period.”

It was in that moment that all those angels and faeries above sent this short, sharp eyed, male nurse to my bed with a Morphine injection in hand. And what followed next was absolute bliss.  

I literally remember to have not remembered even an ounce of my physical hell anymore in the hours that followed. Let alone the mental high it kicked me with. All at once, I was with my hubby, on the shores of the hospital, walking, hand in hand, extrapolating our future and happiness around our just gifted parenthood. That walk, that chilly Melbourne evening, has ever since then remained in my memory like some ride to heaven. 

(Un)Luckily though, along with my discharge from the hospital, it was time to say bye-bye to those incredible injectibles. But what I did get as an acceptable well wishing token from the hospital was a long enough prescription of Endone. Now this, as I’ve well discovered by now, is something which is ‘little’ less invading, but far handier and hence addictive, I guess. 

All those friendship quotes suddenly make so much sense now. They say it for a reason that "A friend in need is a friend indeed". And what better than these little stones which captivate all three dimensions of my being in just no time – my body, my mind and hence my spirit. A single doze hits me like a million of happy hormones, all in one go.

It’s been some long time since I realized that I am left with just 4 of my buddies now. So far, since then, my need to preserve them has won over my need to consume them. I am finding this pretty interesting. My clash with my addiction, for my addiction. After all, the awareness that you can go unaware at will is something. Isn’t it? And it’s worth the entire contest. June 2014 marks the finale of my chase. That’s when these tiny stones expire. Till then it's is all cheers no matter what! ;-)

Disclaimer - I am not promoting usage of drugs here. Consumption or addiction to these is dangerous to health. It’s just a narration of how one of my medical conditions led to my introduction to these and my getting trapped into the phenomenon of craving since then. It would definitely have been a damaging story had I had an unlimited access to these.