An Ode

Congratulations Oscars! You deserved Leo and finally you got him.

And Leo - I think you should donate sperms. This planet needs many more people like you.

The Chronicle

I am the city, that never sleeps.

I go on and on, and on and on.
Day after day.
Night after night.
People are born. People die.
People fall in love. People fall out of love.
People come. People go.
I stand here, the same.
I don't wake up. I don't sleep.
I stay.

Rusting.
Renovating.
Restructuring.
My roots run deep.
My spine runs firm.

I am the noise.
Breaking into the stillness of being.
I am the silence.
Gasping in the middle of noise.

I smoke. I quench.
I live. I age.
I exhilarate. I replenish.
I exhaust. I deplete.
Day after day.
Night after night.

Every beginning must come to an end
Every captivity must give way to its rupture

As I await mine. The salvation. The avalanche.

It's one more silent night tonight.
It's one more deafening night tonight.
It's one more sleepless night tonight.

Why so serious!

"Hey! You know she's a 'divorcee'. He is a 'divorcee' too!"
..."Must have done something terribly wrong. She anyways comes across as a really weird girl"
...etcetra

Quite a perfect thought, natural too, rational too. Just my 2 cents -

In future, use the word 'separation'. I will tell you why :
One. It will make you sound sound.
Two. It will make you come across as someone who knows English. I bet you loved this one. That's ok. Pleasure is mine.

The interesting thing about this 'sensational' divorce -

(By the way, do you have anyone else in your stretched vicinity going through it? I bet no.)

-Is that it does not really suck the way it is anticipated to. Terms and Conditions apply. And that's what makes a person going through it come across as 'weird', when in the first place you had wondered why could you not use the word 'sad'. That's sad. I know.

"Lipsticks and all... She is dating for sure."
Well.
Hell.
No! A woman wont wear it only when on date.
She can also wear it when she is trying to seduce you.
And craving for that stare, that you and only you can give. You silly.

And the...
"Singapore trip"
"I call that Desperation"
Yeah! It is. Indeed. Just the right word you used here.
Desperation to sleep with a secret Leonardo di Caprio that I am travelling with, in the rosy beds that await me in the sensual beaches of Singapore with my 02.7570 year old son guarding against any interruptions what-so-ever.

Last..
"...why this clarification all of a sudden?"
That's because this shit that I hear occasionally bangs my head. I shed it every time until over a period of time it auto-mountains itself into a huge heap. And suddenly I am a yogi sitting on the hill top of Mount Everest.

Be Right Back!

Dear Kanav,

Till you are grown up to catch me stealing away. Or rather, till you are grown up to occasionally gift me sanity, I will continue to steal and celebrate, like this.
Movies. Caffeine. Reading. Writing.  - Bring it on!

[P.S - Done with my share already. Your super-nani just came from a break that I had forced on her! :-)]

Yours only
-Neha Mumma (@ Mother's Day.10.05.2015)

What not to expect when you are expecting

Gratitude to those who have stuck by me, through thick and thin.

My maid's sister delivered a cute little boy a week back. She is going through some post partum complications, the super-set of which I once had. She was hospitalized for reasons more than one. She felt clueless, hopeless, close to suicidal for reasons more than one. That's when I decided to pay her a visit. That's when I decided to pen this down. And that's when I decided to share it across. Hoping it paves hope for those going through it.

Ok. Will cut short the foreplay.

After a delivery that started with unnatural bleeding, spanned across 24 hours, turned into a back labor, leading to a forcepted labor, 3rd degree episiotomy, 15 days hence diagnosed - a severe life threatening infection because of the gauze pads being left inside during THE hour, sour lactation experience, a thing called endometritis, another thing called vistula, some 5 finger Diastasis Recti in the abdominal muscles, a bit of varicose veins, a financial breakdown, a marital breakdown, if me and my baby can make it. So can you, and your baby.

Just keep in mind -

1. No, even if it's a little more in your case than what I mentioned above, it wont kill you, or your baby.

2. Despite the conditions, the medical warnings and the evidence to not let me pursue my weight loss regimen, I exercised, and exercised (wont suggest you do this).  Till I lost that each bit of extra Kgs trapped inside my skin. Till I restored my abdominal muscles to where I wanted them to be, and not where they were announced to be, and were expected to accept. I am back in shape, even better one, just with a bit of loose skin around the tummy, which I am still working on, post 2 years of delivery. If it's in mind, body follows. Mostly. More tips here.

3.  Make sure you have at least ONE strong support system with you, preferably a woman.

4. Try not to rely too much on your partner though I do hope that you get all the support you need. For he has little approximation of what you are going through. Any expectation, unless met, is likely to bounce back with even more frustration. And is likely to further prolong the healing.

5. Stop thinking negative. Even if it means a bit of sleeping pills, anti-depressants, just go for it. Irrespective of what your sane care-takers tell you. Trust me, they help, at least more than what you can expect from anyone around. And if taken with the right zeal, are not that tough to wean off.

6. Father of all - Screw those who tell you to go for a normal delivery (and not a C-section) even if your instinct says, you cant. A screwed up vaginal delivery is n times (n being in inverse proportion to your luck quotient) more hellenous than a well operated C-section. In every possible aspect. The process itself, the healing, the precautions, the life.

7. Mother of all - Do not google negative stuff. Never when you are not in the right frame of mind. Even if you have to, search for the cures and not just the terms you are diagnosed with. I tell you, this concept of manifestation, or the law of attraction as some call it does work. Or I should say that it worked at least for me. As I feel I have a pretty strong imagination power. I've seen most (if not all) of my visualizations, readings, fears, aspirations come true. Negative googling can manifest the hell out of your life if you are a strong thinker.

72 to 52

For few, it comes naturally, for few it doesn't it has to be earned.

Once my baby popped out, I weighed barely 3.5 Kgs lesser than what I was just before my delivery. And that was precisely the birth weight of my baby. Quite contrary to what I had heard from the mothers and their success stories of being in control of their weight and shape post delivery, I relied on the scale's correctness and gave situation the benefit of time. Life continued. I incorporated all healthy life-style practices. Healthy diet, Exercising etc. Few months hence, I was done with breast feeding. Few months further hence, my menstrual cycle happened. My date came, and went by. But, rather Big Butt! My scale tip went down by just a few grams.

Sensing the big trouble that my body had landed itself into, and the consequent restlessness in me, my GP gave me clear warnings, lest I be doing castaways with my body.

None-the-less. I took that as a self proclaimed wake up call. And what followed next was an austere project. Within about 4 months of that GP visit, my scale started showing 52ish Kgs. Consistently.

Coming to the point, here are the broad level tips (other than the regular exercising tips that can be easily googled) that by being aware of, you can make your journey more predictable and less prone to failures -

• Stay away from those who care for you. They wont be able to stand seeing you being so harsh on yourself, and would out of care try to distract you, reverse-talk your agenda and the likes.
• Stay away from those who are fond of eating. For obvious reasons.
• Prioritize and time cap the weight loss program - Understand the difference between staying healthy in general and losing intense weight. Former is a life style and can happen every day for the rest days of your life, but latter is a project that needs to be kicked off, implemented and be done with. Paving way for the former.
• Be aware that any such heavy weight loss can get extremely cruel on the skin and the area being targeted, leaving you with loose fat-less flab to keep you struggling for years. Get into the habit of doing a regular deep massage on the area or the entire body. 
• First few pounds are easier to lose. Let that be a motivation and not a distraction. 
• Talk to yourself, watch motivational videos, whatever. Keep the fire burning till you are there. 

And remember, if it's in mind, body follows. Mostly!

Crushed

There's this guy who suffers with 'Clarity of Thought' syndrome. And I swear, I cant stop crushing on him.

Tresses & Messes

The look in his eyes says
what's with the frizz gurl!
Let the kisses
And the caresses
Calm thy tresses
And thy messes

This and That

Dear Lord,

Please give me friends who don't hit on me, and the man that I desire who does not just want to remain a friend.

~Neha.

Tranquility-2

Drenched in its vulnerabilities, rolls down a cascade, of beautiful silver drops, from eyes towards the neck, pausing occasionally here and there, releasing the storm out of my system, and calming my senses.

The Love that's yours

So it strikes
it had to
But in a way
that's way different
from how it was rather prophesied

Thirty plus
and a boy
an awesome one
may be in a way
awesomeness is seen
by every woman
in her every biological offspring
Or may be in a way
that's personalized by the way
you and me
build the connect
around us

the connect that wires
the threads of my heart
to the gaze in your eyes
when you look at me
with that sense
of longing
belonging

the connect that wires my headaches
to the pleasures
disobedience bestows upon you

the connect that wires my pleasures
to the soft touches
and
to every semi-sensible
and
to every semi-insensible
talk
that you do

the connect that soothes
the hours
yours and mine
slept cuddled together

the connect that
silently questions me
why

and the connect that
answers you saying
there had to be paid a little price
for the big awesomeness you carry

And that the love
with which you were born
the love
that hence is a part of you
and a part of me
and will always be
is the most abundant
the most surpassing
and the most unconditional
love
ever.

Forever.

Uncanny

Oh! I love this word. And all the 'uncanny' ways which lead me to it's reference.

Shh!

  

Caffeine is the secret behind my yellow teeth. What's yours? ;)
Shape of the rotis I end up making resonate so much with the mood I am in.
Maine ek baar driving lane change kar li, fir main horn bajane wale toh kya Traffic police ki bhi nahi sunti. (Inspired from the famous -  Ek baar main jo maine commitment kar di, toh fir main apne aap ki bhi nahi sunta)
Mohe Mojito absolutely bhalo lagche! Hic!

A prayer

Dear God,

This is in regards to the ultimate climax of the long pending mess of my life.

I appreciate the ways you have empowered me to fight my battles. I am also thankful for so many unsaid things that bring a smile and a sense of relief as my days go by. And I want to let you know that if I sincerely start thanking you, I will fall short of words and stamina. Despite some of the not-so-pleasant fragments of my life, I know you have been infinitely giving towards me in all possible ways.

But may I still request you to please and please hear out this prayer of mine as well, and kindly intervene in the most promising and timely of the ways, and let this 'letter' happen for me. I've never felt this finger tied, when it comes to writing. But 'this' piece of letter just wont happen.You know how badly I want it, rather need it. But my heart just cant accommodate this. And so my fingers just wont type this. It's a brutal irony I am stuck up with.

For any of the times that I've been a sincere child to you, I request you to please have this resolved for me, for you know it's fair, for I know it's fair.

Counting on my prayers, your capabilities and your love for me.

Yours waitingly,
Neha.

Screen vs Stage Presence

Dear SRK,

Was just watching you a few minutes back on Aap Ki Adalat. And felt like it's time I should say this to you.

You may not have been able to (technically) justify your slate on one or more of the complaints posed upon you (This is my opinion, and not the judge's one, for I was too lazy to stay hooked till the end. But even then, who knows if the judge also would have arrived at the similar verdict. Actually unlikely. Darn!) But your.. umm.. SRKish charm sweeps you across, almost always, clearly, safely, and a little intimidatingly, no matter whatever situation you may be in. This SRKish charm is something I associate with your personal persona,  and not really with your professional one. The later one being ruled out owing to some of your last screen appearances I have seen. And again by professional, I mean the key one, that is your acting. And not the other variants like production, direction and stuff.

I know how easy, and mean it is to judge, but earnestly, there's something seriously screwed up with your screen presence these days. Honestly, I (still) continue to admire you as a person.Your presence of mind, your accomplishments, your courage, but only a bit of your professional works like in Baazigar, Darr, Devdas, Chak De India. Actually just in these movies unless I am missing on something owing to my short and/or long hand memory leaks. And for these, I can say confidently, it would not have come out the way it did had it not been for you. Though for remakes, I have counter candidates who claim that I say that because I haven't seen the original Dilip Kumar's one yet. But whatever.

None-the-less. You absolutely rock when it comes to spontaneity. Your stage presence is something. There was this Award show you did with Ranbir Kapoor. And it had literally laughed off the audience's asses away. Again intimidatingly. It was one of it's first kinds, in terms of boldness, humility (something beyond the realms of comedy shows) and sarcasm (needless to say, it seems to be in your DNA).

Ok, I will come to the point now.

Please (and please!) if for your fan(s)'s sake, you would let your charm remain in certain hearts forever and from here on, stop doing films as an actor, or at least take up roles that justify your presence of being, I would like to wish you good luck in the areas where it would be a real real pleasure to see you, prospering and stealing the hearts away.

Liberally yours
-Neha

An affair

Fall in love with your insomnia!

Steps -
1. When you have about few of your precious sleeping pills left, adjust your sleep timing in a way that you are awake early morning (example - 10PM-5AM).
2. Tie a dark cotton stole around your eyes and ears before you depart to bed. For a soundproof, lightproof & believe me a thought proof sleep.
2. Even if you are sleep deprived, try and get jogging early morning for just these days.

Result -
1. You are tired yet energetic.
2. Your clock adjusts.
3. It makes you sleepy at night, wakes you up at same time every morning till you get addicted to early morning jogs.
4. You throw away the cotton stole and forget the pills.
5. And you meet a new you!

Been 15 days. And I am already falling in an affair with myself!

Lemme clarify

Recently I found some weight in somebody's say on one of my blog posts, and I was more than happy to have that incorporated.

Now here's why it mattered and was incorporated -

1. The 'say' or 'feedback' so to say resonated with my own thoughts.
2. I know this person, trust his intentions and respect him.
3. This person is also a blogger and I can be at peace as far as his knowledge 'of the subject', and 'of the matter' is concerned. For he works and stays in the same place which is being talked about in the blog.

What this does mean

1. I am all ears when it comes to feedback, that matters.
2. I am all ears when it comes to somebody whom I respect and trust. I am all ears when it comes with the right intentions.
3. I don't mind flaunting a bit of my life, for its still me who decides how much can you peek in. For it's still me who owns that life.  Right?
4. I love playing with words. No seriously. I mean it. If you are game, welcome aboard.  
5. I enjoy seeing the no. of hits I get on my blog. It's one of the easiest mediums to promote my blog. Given the time bound life I live as a working mother, more so as a single working mother. Yeah. I just announced it.

Any which ways.

What this does not mean


Just about anybody/anything that does not comply with either of the above would be given a damn.

Hope that clarifies.

The place in between

If only there were a place in between my home and my office, I swear, I would have landed my tired body and my tired mind over there, right away, and made sure that I do everything just so that I do nothing for the next few following hours. 

Lost & Found

I accidentally heard 'flute' today. That somehow hit some nostalgic chords somewhere. That always does. Precisely why I love  hate flute.

To speak of those days

That lawn

that opened up serene
Following those heavenly spas

As if latter were less enough to bewitch already

The cool green grass, trimmed neatly within

The comfortable seating 
Made cozy with mattresses,
bolsters and hookahs

That soulful flute being played live

The smell of the grilled kebabs breezing all over

Those dim lights

That festivity within

And that special evening

When I was recognized for the first ever SharePoint project that I had led at MS 

When old territories are (re)traversed, unexpected happens.

How can I not fall in love with this little black thing. And the memory spell that comes along. There was something about that evening. It's one of those rare things that is potential enough to make me miss old days.

And just when I carefully look at the pic, I realize that I have found my since lost and crazily searched for 'button', that belongs to one of my overcoats, that had been lying in an uncharted section of my cupboard, probably waiting for this day.

Independence. Really?

The heat is on. 440V sounds like close.

I don't think I can ever come to terms with the unbelievable s**t that heads, unfortunately the ones I am dealing with, are capable of carrying. My car potentially can drive me so fast back, that I may never reach home. Even if I do, my sweetheart would catch some of my vibes. Or both. But that's not the point. The point is, I am stuck up.

The day's over in office. The work's over too. And I am supposed to be leaving in minutes from now.

Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock

Alright. I stand up, I walk past the office gate.

And..

I come back.
The sticky note on my desktop says there's floor decor competition happening tomorrow and I am one of the contestants. The theme is 'Independence Day'.
Need I need more? I don't think so. Good. I am staying back, with the floor. For as long as we serve each other's appetite.

Not that I have not informed family about my extended stay, but there are some weird clock hits that wont spare me their attention. Anyways after about 5 hours, few missed calls, and that look on the left over faces in the office, I decide to free us all.

We depart. We arrive the next day. We do the touch ups. And. We win the competition.

Well. Period.